I’ve been hurt in the past by the girls I dated. a good part of it I brought onto myself. but I’ve been lied to, led on, cheated on and betrayed. and I’m scared shitless to be in another relationship. but this is hopefully gonna be different this time. Fingers crossed. i really want this to work.
So of course today was my first day in florida in my little adventure. But my god aside from that this day was awesome. I FINALLY got an answer from her and now I have a new girl officially and I never in a million years would have thought it would be her. it almost doesn’t seem possible. but I got to see her and say goodbye. so it was a pretty good day. oh and I got a free beer on the plane today. legit. XD
well first things first I know this all started when I made probably the stupidest desicion ever by breaking up with my first love. that day changed us both. can’t say I ever fully recovered from that mistake. and its now I realize I was too nice to most of you mother fuckers. I let you all push me around, use me as a shoulder to cry on and then leave me, making me think I did something wrong. the only thing I did wrong was trusting selfish assholes. and you all know who you are. I can own up to how I fucked up by not trying to get my shit straightened out and so on. I’m the one who messed up. But there are those of you who made matters worse. and you know who the fuck you are too. if you ever once told me you’d either be my friend, best friend, or lover and were, only just to leave me. and bring me to a world of hurt, you can go fuck yourselves. you’re the fucking peice of my life I despise now. None of you deserve me. I hope you each live hurting and alone. because that’s what you deserve for being so heartless and selfish. as for me, I’ll better than before and living the life I was made to live.
When it comes to you, there are a lot of questionns I ask. and most of the answers to those questions are “I don’t know’. and sadly that’s what it comes down to with you. I don’t know. how could someone say the things you said and do the the things you did, do what you did to me? you say you feel like you aren’t good enough for anyone. and that’s bullshit! cuz if my memory serves me right you were more than good enough for me. and I gave you everything I could with the position I was in. and to you, I wasn’t good enough. so welcome to my world. oh except you didn’t lose something special like I did and the way I did. while I’m greatful you took me in and saved me and my puppy, you broke me, and I’m having a hard time finding a reason to forgive you for that. and the fact you blew off what we had like it was nothing. I deserve better than that. and I deserve better than what you gave me as a lover. you were everything I needed. And you just didn’t care. so when I come back, I won’t come looking for you. cuz while I do love you and will always want you, I don’t wanna get hurt by you ever again and I need to protect myself. if you ever change and find me again, then we’ll see what happens. but I’m gonna do me and find the person who will value my affection and appriciate and accept me for who am. and will love me.
its gonna be over a year before it happens but still find myself cracking up over the priceless reactions of everyone. its gonna be great XD
Sometimes life has a funny way of working out. it’ll throw things your way that you didn’t even see coming. Some good. some bad. and when it comes to matters of people and matters of the heart, it can be a twisted ride. but everyone is searching for that certain someone. but the way life works out is it will give you that someone. and it’ll end up being someone you’d least expect. but at the same time, you kindof always knew it would be that person one day.